Atharva always uses the two-word sorry, papa whenever he does something wrong. He repeats until I say it’s ok, beta.

I remember a story about when I started my job and moved to Gurgaon. I visited home frequently and spent time with my parents in my hometown Allahabad. One day father bought a few rings for me as he believed in astrology. I was a bit surprised as it looked very expensive. He told me that some astrologer suggested this for me.

During childhood, we don’t have a friendly relationship with papa. I had very limited talks with him and primarily via my mother, and as we grew older, it was almost the same. Sometimes if he picked up the call, I used to say where Mummy is.

I did not like the idea of rings and told him that I was not going to wear this. He was trying to convenience me, and finally, he said you need to wear this as I am saying.

I don’t have any choice as we don’t want an argument, but I want to show my retaliation to him. My Father was a bit foodie person and loved to cook Chicken. Whenever I visited home, he prepared chicken for me. He asked me to eat chicken now then it was my turn. I said not feeling well and needed to travel as well, so do not want to eat anything.

He constantly shows his love via cooking, and that s why he got hurt, but he did not say anything. He offered to drop by the station as usual, but I refused. I called a Rickshaw and started for the railway station, and he kept looking at me.

This behaviour was very strange for him, and even though I felt terrible, my inner soul kept saying to me what are you doing, but ego came.

The feeling intensified as the rickshaw moved to the station and finally reached the station. Now, I started feeling very bad. I thought to call him and say sorry, but I did not. Due to heavy fog train was delayed, and I started feeling cold as well. I thought to call him several times as the train was getting delayed but felt that how should I call him after this behaviour.

Suddenly he called me and said that he saw the train was late for a few hours, so he was coming. I said no, that was fine, but he came to the station immediately and stayed with me for an hour. I did not say sorry, but our conversation was normal, like nothing had happened a few hours back. We talk about politics, my job and several other things. My inner soul kept saying to me to say sorry, but that word did not come out at all.

I hope Papa understand that I feel sorry. From my eyes, our conversation, which was stopped for the last few days, typically started ice melts within us, I really miss that day when I should say sorry, but I did not.

There were several occasions when I was supposed to say sorry to my papa, but I did not.

My Son Atharva reminds me daily what I missed …………..